we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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