super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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