He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
