No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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