lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
