so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
