i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
