i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My ass is underappreciated
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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