The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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