got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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