Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
