I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
