question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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