Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
