Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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