my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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