They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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