I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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