I hate your face
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
