do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
