he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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