does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
