I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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