is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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