If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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