I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize