Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
