yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
