omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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