Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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