He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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