Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.