I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
