my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
