Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
