tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
