Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(239): View more from Florida

and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.

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(925): View more from California

First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.

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(914): View more from New York

No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?

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(519): View more from Ontario

you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude

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(406): View more from Montana

Because you touch yourself at night.

(701): View more from North Dakota

...What time of day am I supposed to do it?

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