tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
