I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
