Me too!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
