I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think your dad took our porno
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
