I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we should paint friendship bongs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
