I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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