Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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