We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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