Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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