do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
