i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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