If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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