Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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