remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
