Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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