i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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