we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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