When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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