nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
