that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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