my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
