M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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