Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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