Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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