I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
