One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
