I'm jealous of your bromance
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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