I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
