Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
