I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
