HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
