pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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