you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
