did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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