Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
