Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
